How to talk to someone you're worried about

Most people wait too long to have this conversation because they are scared of saying the wrong thing. The truth is that a clumsy, caring conversation is far better than a perfect one that never happens.

Before you start

Pick a quiet time when neither of you is rushed, angry, or under the influence. Go alone or with one person they trust. A family meeting with everyone around the table often feels like an ambush.

What to say

Start with what you have noticed and how you feel, not with a verdict.

• "I've noticed you haven't been sleeping and you've stopped going out. I'm worried about you."
• "I'm not here to judge you. I just want to understand what's going on."
• "Whatever it is, we'll figure it out together."

Then listen. Really listen. You don't have to fix anything in the first conversation.

What to avoid

• Labels like "mad", "junkie" or "lazy"
• Threats, or bringing up every mistake they have ever made
• Promising to keep a secret if their safety is at risk
• Taking them anywhere against their will

If it doesn't go well

They might deny it, get angry, or shut down. That is normal. Let them know the door is open and try again another day. Many people need to hear "I'm here" more than once before they believe it.

You need support too

Caring for someone who is struggling is exhausting. You are allowed to ask for help for yourself. Our family conversations are a good place to start, and you can message us anytime.